Tuesday, August 14, 2007

im sorry to everybody who were so worried bout me.
im really gonna get up and lead life as normal as possible.
thanks! :)

yesterday, had been the worst day ever. in my life so far. like trash. really.

and im the trash.
discarded. abandoned. unwanted.

im hurt beyond pain. beyond anything that could ever hurt me again. i doubt i'll ever experience anything harsher than this.
u know, the truth hurts.
sometimes, i wonder if i would have preferred to live in denial.
but look at it this way. refreshing angles. (i hope so)
it hurts so badly that it compels u move forward.
its this surging force that pushes u to get up and go.
i hope it works in this case.

today, is terrible, considering the fact that yesterday was the worst.
wat a start to a day.
woke up wif swollen eyes. i even tot of hiding it wif my sunglasses.
as if it were this layer of safety barrier. against anything or anyone that could ever hurt me.
its a facade.

hadnt any appetite today.
just like the other days.
daddy came back from indonesia yesterday.
he's first comment was "jan, u look so skinny. hav u been not eating?"
i dun know how to ans him.
i just said "no la."
im still eating. just tat, i dun feel the hunger for food anymore.
u may ask, how could somebody go to the extent of losing appetite over this.
dun ask me.
think bout it. who wans to?

u know wat,
i feel like a dumb nuthead. sitting on a bench, by the side of the field, watching ppl kick the soccer ball ard.
when im the ball.
being played like a complete arse.

u know wat,
u can hav everyone in the world.
u can hav the love from all the girls.
everything.
but not mine anymore.

how could i be silly enough to want to give u everything in this world.
when in the first place, u dun wan it.
u'll nv get it anymore.

im dead.

stabbed. and left there to bleed,
my heart is dead.

nevertheless,
im so glad i had u ppl there for me. my dearest sister, my darling charlie, sweetest weiling, my beloved zoo land, my lovely classmates and wonderful schoolmates.
i've told some.
god is not heartless.
for all that he took from me,
he gave me something so precious in return.
every single one of u.
so special, i'll cherish for the rest of my life.

my road is dark.
and it seems like it has no end.
there's no turning back.
but there's always forward to go. :)

my forward,
is to forget u.
my misery,
is u.

when i get up and go,
i'll nv turn back.

cher says im pretty.
they say i dun need u.
charlie said he's gonna marry me.
so im taken. :) bleh.

life's stil beautiful w/o u.
or rather, life's more beautiful w/o u.