anyway, been to my sec sch today. hmmm. went to eat the food there la. miss it so much. the food here is so much nicer den jc food. bleh. anyway, nothing spectacular happen. it was pretty boring. i'd thought that our sec 5 na students would come back. esp the guys, from my class. but i guess only a handful came. like less than 5? :( i miss them though. also, some of my beloved teachers left the sch already. left for another sch, retired or leave the sch for somewhere else. Mr Loh, he left w/o telling me. :( i was so sad. really. i even prepared a gift for him, only to know that he transfered to another school. Miss Tang, we all know that she opted for early retirement! and im happy for her, coz she's enjoying life now. :) Mrs Tan's so funny. she's pregnant wif a baby boy! wooo~ i feel sooo happy for her. :D
being back in sch made me ponder bout certain things. somehow, i know if i were back to going thru sec sch times, i would probably disliked it due to the upcoming 'o' levels. coz when we hav something in abundance, we tend to take advantage of it, isn't it? its the same as for now. stucked in jc. but after jc life, i would probably miss it so much, that when im caught in another situation in the future, i would wish to come back too. i dunno.
sometimes, i just wish to be free.
watching the sch dance performance and doing the aces day work out made me wanna dance again. im really so into dance. although i might not make a good dancer. dun hav flair, i guess. but i love it like crazy. it reminds me of the time we practiced our performance for sports day. although we had practice till late hours most of the day, i was the happy me. i was doing something i really love doing. dance is my passion.
sports day. something else comes into mind. when u liked me. how time goes by.
anyway, we met up wif Miss Tang for dinner. :) wif some of our classmates. Jing Hong drove us there la. so cool can! i mean. look, he's my age and he's driving. and look at me. good for nothing. hah. anyway, we had a gd time chatting and stuffs. til it was like 8 plus. i was pretty tired. jing hong was so nice to send us back home. right to my doorstep. oopps. not doorstep. to the staircase leading to the block itself. his driving was pretty scary though. haha. or mayb its just me. coward. bleh. anyway, i've got my excuse! motion sickness. haha. dun worry k, if im gonna vomit, i'll vomit on kelvin. hahah. not anywhere else in the car! hahaha. ooooh. thats mean. :( sorry!
yayyy. im hope im going out to study and get some stuffs tmr. mayb i'll use this as an excuse to 'pretty' up. bleh. besides, im meeting beloved charlie tmr. :D
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 11:30 PM
Thursday, August 30, 2007
damn.
love.
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 7:06 PM
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
yayyy. survived gp prelim! blah blah blah.. i tink i'll fail though. haha.
paper 1, i did on the topic of the arts. WOO~ i love it. talked bout literature, dance, art paintings, etc. but i dun tink i'll pass. :( coz all my sentences are so disjointed. BLEH. paper 2, the paper was alright. but it was all my fault. i spent like 1 hour reading the two passages and completing the aq. so i was left wif like 3o mins to do the compre questions and summary la. arghhh. u know wat. my eyesight is really bad. they wrote the time the paper end is at 5.30 but i saw it as 5.50. -_-" until at bout 5.20, i looked carefully and saw. had the shock of my life. but stil. completed it la. just sub-standard lor. c, i said tat my brain wun work in too cold conditions. i just couldnt tink properly. :(
anyway, i forgot to spray perfume yesterday. it was den that i realised how impt it is to me. oh my godddd.. i felt so naked w/o it. its like, cant live without it. i love the smell like crazyyyy. =p
weellll. there's two tests tmr. :( history sbq and maths. :( :( [ultra sadness] as if one isnt enough to make ur day lousy. anyway, stil the same. just try lor. fail den fail. maths sure fail. but jus do my best. dun u just hate failing. :( i tink i got used to it already.
dearest charlie, i know ur having probs. look for me if u ever need me alright? i miss u so much.
yayyyyy! i get to meet beloved zoo land on fri. :P [ultra happiness] we're going back to sec sch.. woo hoo! my beloved teachers. how i wish i can go back to the past. life now isn't as sweet as b4.
but stil. IM HAPPY. oh my godd. ther's rumours that im ultra sad bout that matter. dun be lame k. u cant see me smile huh. im happpyyyyyy :)
anyway, the song u sent me is nice. :)
yes. i need some shelter of my own protection, baby - Big girls dun cry (Fergie)
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 7:32 PM
Monday, August 27, 2007
great. gp prelims is like two days from now. :( :(
today started off bad. so demoralising. maths mock test got 2. power right. power in failing la. wats new anyway. when will i get out of the single digit range?
mayb its time to feel motivated? i guess so. felt motivated during gp lesson. mayb its becoz im alone. so i wun start talking. yeah.
here's the funny part. we had history consultation today. i was alright at the start. but near the end, almost dozed off. it was just 4 of us. kinda obvious right. den i shook my head to stay awake. and i started writing some stuffs on the paper. den i yawned and guess wat. mr yeo was looking at me. omgg. im sorry. sorry mr yeo, its just me. short attention span, i guess? den i saw siyang their gang. he was backfacing me. but i tink i saw him laughed. thanks ar. anyway, it brought back bad memories. in the past, i slept right in front of him during another history consultation wif another 2, i guess. it was literally right in front of him. freaking embarrassing. oooppppssss.
"sleep deficit." - quoted from Evelyn. =p
so shut ur eyes, kiss me goodbye and sleep. (Sleep - My Chemical Romance)
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 6:55 PM
Thursday, August 23, 2007
hey.. today's such a hot day. :( i wan the rain back..
anyway, i realised i had a lot of time to tink. in sch, during lessons, after sch. especially on my way back home. i was pretty bored. emo? mayb not.
ultimately, tinking made me realise that i actually dont hav a reason for living. i live for the ppl ard me, like my beloved family. i dun live for my interests. in fact, im kinda far away from them.
everyday, we're all doing things we dont want to do. wats life, if for the rest of ur life, u have to live it the way u dun wan it to be?
oh. dun worry. im not suicidal. i still c the beauty in life. :)
i wan a simple life. i dun mind a simple job. but i hope my job would hav to do with the stuffs i enjoy doing.
thats y. i ask. y in the first place, i chose the jc. its a bad bad choice. coz now, im stucked. dun hav any goal in mind. i've no motivation to study at all. even when 'a's are coming. mr yeo wrote comments on my history essay. he said "Janice, you got to work harder. dun lose it"
i laughed. i tink i've losed "it". how do u even define "it"? the capability for rational thinking? oh. mayb he's right.
i serenade myself with wonderful music. to bring joy back into my life. :)
i love to c u smile. a genuine smile. coz when u smile, it takes away the pain from the burden u carry.
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 2:37 PM
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
hmmmm.. im glad we talked things out. :) i've nv been so clear bout this b4. previously, i was so confused and troubled. but now, the mist is gone. im no longer confused. i know wat i want to do.
oh yahhh.. cher's the loveliest person ever. she msged me today asking me to look into the locker. i went to the locker and guess wat! i found a pretty container wif chocolate cookies. =p and a letter, so thoughtful of her, that it made me tear. and.. i ate all the cookies. it was supposed to make me happy. but it made me FAT. :(
u know wat. i'll always rmb the time when i like u, b4 i confessed to u. coz those were really happy times. everytime i c u, i cant help but smile. love is beautiful. loving u is more beautiful. im gonna forget all the misunderstandings and return to the state i was in, in the past, where everything were less complicated. when loving u made my days brighter. initially, the smile was assumed to be taken away by u (due to some misunderstandings) but now, only to give a new meaning to it. i wan to smile for everything. for me and for u.
i know u've moved on. i'll move on too. when move on is defined as learning to accept the fact that u wun come back. yet, i'll still be here. even if u'll nv turn back again. without any obligations.
thats wat my heart chose to do. when u gave me a whole new definition to the word "love". :D
i've heard the songs u tried to send me, but i hadn't accept. if you really mean those words. if every single line is wat u are trying to say to me.
i cross my heart, i'll nv walk away from u.
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 2:46 PM
im so glad u told me almost everything. it really clarified matters.
im sorry. really sorry. i've nv been so wrong bout u. there's so much depth into u. im utterly sorry. really.
everyone out there who had read my previous blog entries, hope u guys understand. do not blame him anymore. pls. we've clarified matters and im to blame. really. for everything.
i swear, i've nv meant to hurt u. i nv would. do not weep over love, coz love is a beautiful thing. it makes me wanna give up everything for u.
u know, my heart has always been right. could nv stop loving u. i knew there were reasons behind all this. ur pain. but the mind under stupidity, being rational and emotionless killed the heart.
its a grave mistake. a total disaster. really regret it. so badly. guilt is the consequence, i'll have to bear.
i learnt from this. i'll trust my heart from now on. and it chooses to love u.
if u ever love me one day, all i can do is to hope u'll come back. if u dun, i really hope u'll find the one u love. and i'll really be happy for u. coz loving u would be letting u go, seek ur true happiness. :) i'll smile for u.
i've nv stopped loving u. and i stil do.
may time be the fair judgement.
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 1:10 AM
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
hmm.. nowadays, im so fond of blogging. haha. i dunno y. =p
anyway, i survived the econs test man! though my hands were hurting so badly. anyway, its over, so look forward to that! :) hmmm. fri stil got lit mock laaa. another 3 hourss. but come to tink of it, actually, lit is the only subject that dun constantly force tests upon us la. so thats a gd thing. :)
anyway, today's really lovely. especially when we had time to fool ard b4 the econs test. we were in the lecture theatre listening to music, etc. we were eating ice-cream too. alright. i know it isnt allowed. but we made sure that there isn't stuffs thrown everywhere else except the dustbin. so thats responsible enough right?? :) i was eating the ice-cream and listening to My Chemical Romance's Teenagers. =p BLING BLING. i was so happy. it was like the happiest moment in the day. enjoying the ice-cream and my fav band's music. lalala~ we were also taking some pictures, laughing at the drawings on the white board and enjoying moments wif the class! :) today's really lovely.
but always rmb. when there's the beautiful up side, there will always be the down side. straight after we enjoyed those moments, we went to the toilet. and on our way back to the lecture theatre, there was the slightly strong wind blowing. i saw the front of my skirt flew up slightly. so i was trying to hold it down. and then, came the strong wind. and guess wat! the back of my skirt just flew up la. wat the hell. i was like OH MY GODD, oh my godd, oh my godd. i turned behind to look and luckily only Jo and Hui Shan were behind me and they were using their handphone. so mayb nobody saw?? but who knows! anyone in the classrooms might hav seen la. damn it! i was so embarrassed that i ran back to the lt. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. violatedd. (by the wind??)
but come to tink of it. shudnt make a big fuss right. anyway, its like swimming costume maa. like how u dress when u go to the swimming pool. sooooooo. ITS ALRIGHT!! =p haha. c how modern mentality helps to pacify u. bleh. who caress. i dun care. i'm just gonna believe that nobody saw that. :D
anyway, shelly said "the moral of the story is to wear nice panties." oh my godddd. =p i laughed! but cher said "just wear shorts inside laaaaaaaa."
i dunno laa. just pretend it nv happen loooo. =p it nv happened....
hmmm. CHANGE TOPIC. oh yaaa.. our class won the BRAIN AWARD. bling bling! so pretty can. hahaa. we're smartt! woo hooo~ we had our time spent taking pictures wif it la. coz its gonna be wif us for like a week, b4 it moves on. hahaha.
anyway, nice day to everyoneee! luv alwaysss. =p
p.s: im stil desirable k! despite the indecent exposure. =x
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 6:50 PM
Monday, August 20, 2007
wooo. today's a pretty lovely day.
i woke up cold and shivering in the middle of the night/morning. haha. fell asleep while reading, on my blanket at the end of my bed. COLD. bleh. den i got up, turn ard, pull the blanket and went back to sleep. :)
anyway, i love the rain. yummy yummy. oops. wrong expression. =p LOVELY. reminds me of charliee. imisshim.. when i see the rain, mood automatically gets better. odd isnt it? but who cares. just dun get caught in the rain. :)
hmmmmm.. today, i experienced one of the most embarrassing moments in sch. the class somehow sabo me laa. arghhh. we were having gp in this classroom which was my eyecandy's home room. den he needed to come in and get something. and when he came in to get his stuffs, ppl were like saying "JAN". i was like 'oh my goddd'. my face was really red. (huishan told me) arghhhh.. thanks to everybody who took part in this. if he avoids me next time. im seriously gonna kill u guys. hahaha. but anyway, thanks to huishan and jo, i tink my eyecandy knew long ago that i somehow eyecandied him. arghhhhh. he told my fren that everytime he and his clique walk pass our grp, some of them will call "Jan.." thanks to huishan for broadcasting. :D hmph.
ahhh. we just had our lit mock for 3 hours. wahhh.. my head was hurting like crazy. had to knock it a few times. but stil, couldn't tink properly. hmmm. nvm, tried my best already. den we had history enrichment till 7pm. look at that man. our condensed timetable isnt helping. :( anyway, i felt like a dead pig at the end of everything. was so eager to go homee. and now im back! :)
i tink my mood is alright today. :) mayb its the unnoticable haircut thats making me feel happy. lalala~
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 8:33 PM
Saturday, August 18, 2007
been out quite early today. been out of bed early too, slept too early coz of exhaustion.
was in daddy's car. i found the movement of rain drops down the window pane fascinating. also, dad drove into a puddle of water causing a great splash on the sides. it was amusing. :D
when love instead of being ur motivation, turns into the tool for demoralization, u'll find that u need to look for joy in other things in life. like seeking solace in the rain. like how i am, appreciating the simpler things in life.
i had a lot of time to think. i tot bout how things would be like if i had not met u. if i had choosen a different route in life, things would be so different. mayb if i chose to leave innova after my first yr for laselle or poly, i wouldn't have met u. or mayb if i hadn't choose innova in the first place, would i have known u? it boils down to y did we move to woodlands to stay? if we had remained living ard farrer road, my life would b completely different. i would not hav chanced upon u. our fates would be like parallel. coz, they'll nv meet.
sometimes, i wonder. we are all the same. all students in same uniform, at the same place. how could that special someone be chosen out of the whole lot, to mean something so precious in ur life. how could somebody be so completely differentiated from the rest, to mean so much to u. how could somebody, from everybody ard, be selected to play such a huge role in ur life. play such a huge role in affecting ur life.
the greatest mistake was falling in luv wif u. or rather, knowing u.
nevertheless, im still happy. i may b going for a haircut later. :)
everything has changed. so little on the outside. but completely on the inside.
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 3:24 PM
Thursday, August 16, 2007
heyy. today's such a beautiful day. a brand new start with a new sense of maturity to face the future. a complete set of emotions that exists on a brighter note. and memories of the 'happened' shall b converted and stored in my "lessons learnt" catagory. and i swear. i learnt a lot from this.
u know, mayb this was fated to be. it made me stronger in a certain way. im still adapting. but im quite sure that i'll overcome this.
seeing u, is a challenge that i'll have to face. but this challenge exercises my ability to stand up against it. i still feel vulnerable when i c u. that means, i'll have to avoid u at all cost. but soon, i know i wun. when im coupled wif the courage to get over this.
im glad that i see things in a brighter light. im learning to be optimistic. im beginning to get up from where i fell.
today, i learnt that. family relations can always be trusted, cos they'll nv hurt me. like u do.
actually, im afraid of the volatility of my emotions. its messing up my life. sometimes, i feel strong, optimistic and ready to face up to the challenge. but sometimes, i fall back down into depression.
its almost impossible to be strong when so much just happened. im still learning how to.
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 9:04 PM
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
im sorry. i lied. im not okay. really not ok.
i've been at complete extremes. juggling emotions that range from one end to the other. i'm.. not me anymore.
im losing myself.
i was alright today. really. i couldnt believe how i started off just fine. somehow in me, i was worried melancholy would still haunt me.
i was right. it came back, full blast. im broken. again.
i've really been trying. trying. so hard. really hard. i failed at pretending.
coz when i c u, the intensity of devastation came crushing me. crushing the life out of me. i really dun wan to c u. god. take him away from me.
its alright. really everything would be ok. when u get the hell out of my life.
i really. cant believe. how heartless u are. ur cold blooded. thats certain.
i dun need u to do anything against ur wishes. dun talk, if u dun wan to.
just go.
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 10:15 PM
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
im sorry to everybody who were so worried bout me. im really gonna get up and lead life as normal as possible. thanks! :)
yesterday, had been the worst day ever. in my life so far. like trash. really.
and im the trash. discarded. abandoned. unwanted.
im hurt beyond pain. beyond anything that could ever hurt me again. i doubt i'll ever experience anything harsher than this. u know, the truth hurts. sometimes, i wonder if i would have preferred to live in denial. but look at it this way. refreshing angles. (i hope so) it hurts so badly that it compels u move forward. its this surging force that pushes u to get up and go. i hope it works in this case.
today, is terrible, considering the fact that yesterday was the worst. wat a start to a day. woke up wif swollen eyes. i even tot of hiding it wif my sunglasses. as if it were this layer of safety barrier. against anything or anyone that could ever hurt me. its a facade.
hadnt any appetite today. just like the other days. daddy came back from indonesia yesterday. he's first comment was "jan, u look so skinny. hav u been not eating?" i dun know how to ans him. i just said "no la." im still eating. just tat, i dun feel the hunger for food anymore. u may ask, how could somebody go to the extent of losing appetite over this. dun ask me. think bout it. who wans to?
u know wat, i feel like a dumb nuthead. sitting on a bench, by the side of the field, watching ppl kick the soccer ball ard. when im the ball. being played like a complete arse.
u know wat, u can hav everyone in the world. u can hav the love from all the girls. everything. but not mine anymore.
how could i be silly enough to want to give u everything in this world. when in the first place, u dun wan it. u'll nv get it anymore.
im dead.
stabbed. and left there to bleed, my heart is dead.
nevertheless, im so glad i had u ppl there for me. my dearest sister, my darling charlie, sweetest weiling, my beloved zoo land, my lovely classmates and wonderful schoolmates. i've told some. god is not heartless. for all that he took from me, he gave me something so precious in return. every single one of u. so special, i'll cherish for the rest of my life.
my road is dark. and it seems like it has no end. there's no turning back. but there's always forward to go. :)
my forward, is to forget u. my misery, is u.
when i get up and go, i'll nv turn back.
cher says im pretty. they say i dun need u. charlie said he's gonna marry me. so im taken. :) bleh.
life's stil beautiful w/o u. or rather, life's more beautiful w/o u.
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 7:26 PM
Monday, August 13, 2007
hmmm. back to reality. somehow, i felt like a vulnerable lab mice, held suspended in the air, struggling to break free. but when i fell to the ground, it feels like everyone ard me are squabbling. confusion. mess. everything is going so fast. i cant. i cant move on.
today, the teacher announced tat its the 8th week of term 3. see how hard reality hits me. im stunted. i feel so weak. my wound. its stil bleeding. im not used to it. i need time. i need time to get away.
lessons go on as normal. except now, my mind isnt there. im faraway. far far away. thinking. can't get back to reality. i cant even think properly. teacher told us to think of the rebuttal argument. i couldnt. i couldnt even read the argument.
god help me.
i really hate to feel so weak. so helpless. i cant bear to c him. u would nv understood how hard i tried to avoid him if i could. i even narrowed my vision to the floor. just so that there wouldnt be any chance of seeing him.
but stil, i saw ur face. how could i have tried to avoid u, when ur like... everything to me.
now, it feels so awkward. i guess, mayb i shudnt hav told u in the first place.
when u c me, do u feel irritated? do u feel like avoiding me? do u stil like me? or do u hate me?
i cant get up when u're gone.
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 7:37 PM
Friday, August 10, 2007
discarded. like an old rag. left abandoned in that filthy corner. me.
broken. shattered. destroyed and unwanted. mayb even cheated. i dun know anymore.
i've nv cried so much during a movie b4. or rather, i haven cried for so long since 2003. strangely, it wasnt the movie that moved me to tears. it was ur reply that hurt me so badly. it stings.
u told her. u like me. u'll wait for me till after my 'a's. u'll nv know how touched i felt. i swear i'll give u everything in this world.
but ur love, how long it lasted? 5 mins? i dunno.
u told me that ur facing so many probs. i told u that i'll stay if u let me go thru this wif u. so unexpectedly, i found out that there were others involved in this picture too. i felt so cheated. seriously. they told me that ur playing with my feelings. or rather, many ppls' feelings. i told u. i can trust u. i can help u. i can be ther for u. i'll help u find a way back into love.
wat i got was ur resentment. u told me u wun ignoring me. when u completely rejected me, whenever i said i wanted to talk to u. u made me feel like a fool. seriously. u made me feel like i was so irritating. u know wat. i've nv felt so lousy bout myself.
how could i have subjected myself to ur torment.
when will u learn to love somebody wholeheartedly.
now, i know that i'll be strong. i will get thru this. i might nv turn back.
tmr, mayb i'll wake up not knowing who are u. it stil hurts to tink this way. well, either way, it stil hurts.
luving u itself, hurts.
but after i had tot thru all this, u msged today. its quite amazing. coz i tot u would probably try to avoid me. when i saw ur name in my inbox, i cried again. i couldnt help it. the pain is indescribable. i couldnt understand y too. i felt myself trying to be strong, trying all my best to get over this painful experience. but it all fallen apart when i saw ur name. i cant bring myself to stop contacting u. i cant do it.
u asked me several stuffs. i ansed. n just as i had guess, i knew u had faced some stuffs that had made u resort to acting in this manner. i knew it. ur pain, i can feel it. really. as i said. it doesnt matter whether ultimately, u would accept me or wat. i could always be there for u, without expecting anything in the end. u know wat, ur happiness means more to me than the materialistic status of a relationship. i hope i can help u thru this. i hope i can open ur heart and teach u to love once again.
u know wat, i really hope i can make u smile. or rather, take the pain away from u.
and if im silly enough, let me be the one who is experiencing this pain. not u.
heres to the ppl who care... cher, thanks for going thru this wif me. everytime i felt like crying, u were always ther to make me smile. u make me feel worthy, when i felt the worst i could ever feel. u protected me against the pain. i could nv express my gratitude to u. i love u always, my dearest sis.
thanks Deeben, for ur words of encouragement. for letting me know u understood wat i felt. for helping me thru this. i'll be ther if u ever need me. that's wat frens are for. :)
siyang, thanks for the lyrics u send. u know wat, it was so meaningful. hah. nearly made me tear again. thanks so much for everything. u msged at such an exact timing, i tell u. even i was shocked. haha. but still, i know u guys care so much. thanks for everything.
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 6:42 PM
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
hmmm. got some things to say bout yesterday.
i'd witnessed the case of injustice. its freaking stupid. really. not targetted to me though. u would not like to know the consequences if it were to happen.
it was to several people, i shud not name who, for privacy purposes. and for the fact that blogs are constantly under surveilance. seriously speaking. i believe that we shud respect other races and religions. and im still same in that thought.
but when certain unfair practices occurs. wat can u do? can u even voice out ur opinions? no. u know y.
i read something on the horoscope today. they said that librans fight to maintain justice, like the balance symbol representing the horoscope. no wonder i felt anger upon seeing such injustice.
anyway, all i've gotta say is if u wan respect, respect others first. nobody has the right to control others, or be it causing them unnecessary pain. lurv to all who has abided by it.
hmmm. alright. today's a wonderful day. i had real loads of fun. haha. despite the perspiration. yucks. well, we celebrated national day in chinatown, as decided by the sch. some went other places like little india and somewhere else. had yummy mango blah blah blah.. couldnt rmb the name. and the hokkien mee. not very nice though. and we took ultra a lot of pics la. haha. class picsss! im looking forward to c them. i tink this is our very first and also our last class outing. saddd. nvm. memoriessss! =p
saw him today. as usual. so adorable. i shy. bleh. went to do some shopping. its a secret. =p anyway, sometimes, i really wonder. how can somebody have such a great impact on u. one moment ur angry wif him. but when u see that him, all anger fades away instantly. and happiness fills ur heart, ur soul, ur blood, ur mind. argh. every cell in u. u know. im so tired of the way things are going. sometimes. i felt like he's got this control of effortless manipulation on me. :( i dunno y. but i stil like him, anyway.
sometimes, i wish i could say goodbye to everything bout him. if only i could let it go. if only it were not as impt to me, like how less impt it is to u. if only i dun like u. mayb i'll be happier?
how is it possible when ironically, the one who makes me most happy, is the one able to inflict most pain on me? u.
life is a bed of roses. u take control of ur own life. u determine ur fate.
when he stil have the upperhand of control over u.
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 8:24 PM
Friday, August 03, 2007
im.. imagining other worlds. there's this mist. everywhere. i cant see a thing. so unfamiliar, so strange. then, it clears up. i see the familiar sch compound. is it the sch? or is it just the pavement of civilisation. i dunno.
den. i see u. standing there. not so far. mayb bout 8 steps within reach. gathered my strength and head forward. im reaching u. so near.
but just a step to u, i crashed into something hard. like me, it fallen, however, it shattered into pieces. its a mirror. no it isn't. wat is it?
den my world turned dark. where are u? imissusomuch.
then, i jolted from sleep. and there, i went back to my daily routine.
TIRED.
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 4:03 PM
Thursday, August 02, 2007
yayy. finally the weekends are coming.
had quite a bad week. we've got like compre test, essay test, sbq test and maths test, all in a week. not only that. the endless amt of homework is killing me. not just yet, still sustaining the last, minimum amt of vitality to last me thru this. they say its the last lap. but seriously, i dun give a heck. if u cant motivate urself, wat else can u do.
all i wan is to sleep. deprived sleep man. especially on wed. im drainedd.
fallen sick, i guess. i need my sleep. (so badly) :(
despite soo, im really worried bout cher. lurv her so much and i hope she'll recover from the pain asap. i wan u to know that im always here for u. luv always, :)
hmmmm. heard from my fren a really really sweet news. im really smilingg. and soooo touchedd =p
anyway, cheers always. guess this is just the sick season. so many ppl are suffering under probs and sickness. i hope all pain will go. SMILE :)
http://herblacksmudgedfingers.imeem.com/playlist/R5k4tL-H/