dampened spirits.
like the burdened clouds bearing the loathesome weight of sorrow.

something's really wrong this week. i dun feel myself. dun feel at all motivated to do anything. i just felt like burying myself in the comforts of my bed, sheltered by my blanket from all pains and sorrow. i've been indulging in sleep. coz thats the only thing i can do. i've lost myself. my joy and my life.

im utterly sorry.
read wei ling's blog. something in me shattered. i was overwhelmed with emotions. i couldn't help but cry. i know i've hurt u. and its beyond cure. im so sorry. i've nv intended to hurt u. really. i swear that everything i say here is true. u'll nv know what a huge difference u made to my life. i'll nv forget how we, or mayb its just me, depended on each other in class. u were always there when i needed u. especially what we've gone thru during those memorable three yrs in sec sch since i've known u, u've always been the greatest friend ever, i swear. i doubt i'll be able to survive without u. i always felt kinda left out. but u made my presence felt in class. thanks. life would nv be the same without u. dun worry k, im not les. u're really a great fren. zoo land is the most precious friendship that i hold closest to my heart. really. no others can be compared to it. u know, i've always said that despite how apart all of us are, occupied by our own life, there are always the memories and love in this friendship that draws all of u close to me. if they're others who aren't true, who have resorted to treating me nothing that i deserve, i know that in my heart, u guys would nv be like them. all of u are true, nv will i doubt all of u of ur sincerity.

i wrote all those out of sorrow. i just felt extracted from ur lives, like somewhere far apart from all of u. im sorry. it will nv be justified. i just felt that perhaps its only me who feels that our friendship will nv be affected even though we seldom meet up. coz that day made the strain in our friendship obvious to me. i tot that u guys had moved on in ur lives that mayb this friendship isn't as important as before. im sorry. i shudn't have even tot of that. after reading wei ling's blog, i was aware that actually, u guys still treasured this friendship the way i did. im really sorry. pls dun take those words to heart. coz if u guys din matter to me, i wouldn't have felt so hurt when i assumed that there is a strain in this friendship. but i swear, no matter how life just move on like that, u guys are a special part of me that wouldn't be replaced. i may not call u guys, or even send simple msgs. but seriously, as long as i've a little time to spare, i will visit ur blogs. the only way for me to keep informed bout u guys.

sincerely, i would nv wish for all of us to be detached from each other. i really wish we were as close as before. but nevertheless, i really nv mean to hurt u. u guys are the best frens one could hav. sometimes memories of sec sch just occupies my mind. its how much i miss u guys. im sorry if i've hurt u guys. im really sorry, especially to wei ling.

wats going on.
i really cant wait for sch to end and holidays to come. something the thought of living in isolation overwhelms my mind. sometimes leaving this place seems utterly attractive. wats life when u feel abandoned, that hiding in a safe corner of the room is the only way to heal ur wounds.

when will angel descend from heaven, spread its glorious, magnificent wings to shelter the harmed from the pain. when will shadows fade so that when i reach out, all i hold in my hands isn't emptiness. that i've grown used it.

will u smile for me?