wat can i say ? after enjoying such a gd last week, tis week was like argh... mon and tues was fantastic, i guess.. filled with crap and nonsense.. hah.. but from wed onwards, everything was like shit.. so terribly disgusted and so damn affected..
wed.. well. start from the imptance of sch work. dumb pw. did my EoM and put in lots of effort, for goodness sake. its so damn shitty. pw is so crap la. i dunno wats going on. our project, stagnant. i dun wan to give up hope on it. but i guess im losing my faith. my grp. i dun wanna think. things have juz gone ugly and unbearable. i dun wanna take sides. juz trash it out and get over it. i dun wanna care anymore.
maths, i dun care a heck bout it. lost my hope in it anyway. perhaps i'll juz c how it goes. as for the teacher, i dun care. and when i say "I DUN CARE", i mean it. i dun give a damn bout wat u've gotta say. who cares if u say stuffs like i dun bother to do my work. im fine bout it anyway. u juz dun c wat im going thru. im not a maths expert. i try and try and try and i keep failing. u think i dun bother to put in efforts? i stare at my notes and wonder wat the hell is it about. I READ MY NOTES, for goodness sake. i try to understand those formulas and weird symbols and letters from that A maths textbook. did u c it ? NO! so, wat rights do u have in trying to accuse me? im sicked of all this shit. and i dun give a damn.
Frenz.. so contradicting. the rest is up to u to guess. im tired. and anyway, i promise to keep it to only our grp of frens. i juz hope for the day it turn for the better.
and guy.. my very best guy fren.. no longer is, i guess. im tired. so bloody tired. u made me lose hope in u. i've tried so hard to maintain that connection between us. i've tried. how bout u ? did u even try to contact me ? or did u try even harder to forget me and to push me aside? u like it, didn't u ? hah. u made me realise how naive i am. far more stupid that i can appear to be. i keep holding on. to that hope that i've stil got u by my side, always there for me. how dumb i am. damn it. i blame myself, yes, for trusting u. to tink that u are diff from the others. however, u proved me wrong. hah.. how similar u are compared to them. identical, i tink. u made me a substitute, din u? when u needed me, u seek for me. and now u dun need me, u can just push me away, isn't it ? fun huh. u enjoy doing so right ? i tel u, once and for all. i dun need u here. i dun. from now on, dont bother even searching for me. u've hurt me. and i promise. i'll build up this barrier against u. i'll nv allow u close to me anymore. im heartless, u may say. but who started this hurting business? i only do so to prevent my vulnerable self from getting hurt by u again. its painful and im sicked of it. i really dunno y i related u to the rain. its a wrong decision. for now whenever i look at the rain, i get reminded of how u hurt me. i dun wanna tink of it anymore. i remember. cher told me that this frenship could possibly b somehow one-sided. i laughed. laughed at myself. who was the one who was always nice to me? who was the one who consoled me when im sad? who was the one always there for me when i needed him? who was there to cheer me up whenever im down? who was the one who talk to me till 8am in the morning? who, i ask u who?? i tink i made that all up, isn't it ? its all a one-sided thing right ? i've imagined this all. i created everything, single-handedly from scratch. amazing. i've got such capability to imagine such a frendship! to tink the potential i have in me. to create everything u had done for me. everything. im so upset. i cant find that u that u once were. i really treasure u. but now, u treat me like shit, din u ? i tink i'll laugh at my stupidity. i'll laugh. hah. well, as from now on, i'll only treat u as an acquaintance. no further than that. i'll forgive u. and in that process, forgetting u is inevitable. i look forward to the day i wake up up one morning and ask myself.. "who's that guy who came to talk to me when i was in sec 3?" i tink i'll forget u, no, i WILL forget u. thats final. before i allow myself to get hurt again. i dun wanna be devastated by all the pain.
i wan to be happy. pls. i wan that happiness i long for. so much. i dun wanna be sad. i dun wanna get hurt anymore. i had enough of that. simply enough. anyone who can make me happy, pls come forth. i shall be so grateful for everything. i wan my sunshine. the only one who can brighten up my day. i'll b hoping for the day i meet someone who makes me happy, who takes me away, to somewhere where i feel so me. my goal is only to be happy.
http://herblacksmudgedfingers.imeem.com/playlist/R5k4tL-H/