wahh... i guess its long since i've written my last blog entry !! haha.. dun care.. busy woman ok???? hahahah =p
eh... this week ar.. nothing special i guess.. juz slack like crazy la !! haha.. i tink its becoz we've been forced to hand in all our essays by last week ! thus, not need to write anymore tis week !! woo hOo~ the best thing is.. come home, sleep and sleep. den have dinner, watch tv and sleep again !! best ar! not forgetting bout my lovely storybook man !! nice like anything !! yAy~~~ =p
yiPpiE~ tis thurs, met up wif zoo land !! haha.. and they ate at Cafe cartel.. and me, the silly one, ate wif my classmates at Banquet, when i could have a luxurious meal at Cc la.. nvm.. i was too hungry to travel all the way back to Bishan ma.. but we took some silly pics.. haha.. especially wif a fool like me.. dumb pose !! hahaha.. too high, i guess.. On thurs, we also attended a history talk on terrorism.. eh.. after attending two talks, i realised something. im not the kind who can listen to talks man.. sad ar.. y like that huh.. i always fall asleep during talks.. and i feel so guilty !! damn.. i know its so rude of me la. argh.. nvm. i guess i shan't attend anymore of that !!
Today, met up with my classmates for PW meeting.. haha.. the meeting was short and sweet and nice ! haha.. finally i got to go out after such a long time. no life ma. study at sch, come home do homework and sleep at late hours in the night, or i shud say morning. thats the life i lead. argh.. nvm.. today i had fun ! haha.. although its juz walking ard. also, we got to meet Amirah's Chocolate Fudge.. haha.. Amirah looks so happy with him la !! haha.. yay~ happy for her !!!! make me feel like being in a relationship la. but, after much thinking, i guess not. freedom is hard to get. besides, no guys in mind at the moment. haha.. stil waiting for one who can take my breath away !! woohoo~ till that day man..
Fifi.. eh.. if u ever read my blog ya? dun feel angry bout the matter that happened juz now ya? juz try to let it go ! and ya promised ! no more such things ok ?? :) :) haha.. i'll be there to stop u if anything happen again k ?? so dun play play huh... haha..
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 12:13 AM
Saturday, August 19, 2006
hey.. guess wat. i realised something ! haha.. well actually, it isn't something amazing at all. im just trying to start off with excitement to brighten up my life ! haha.. ok.. its dumb, i know.
well.. know wats the new discovery? i realised that every week is depressing.. haha.. and disappointing fact is that the unhappiness level of each week intensifies slowly. damn. y like that huh ? well. juz dun care. i call this as the "reality of life". sad right.. we, students are crazily deprived of joy and time.
hMmmmm.. tis week's homework load right, is enough to kill me, seriously. coz we arts students ma. the totally retarded ones, who write essays and essays and essays for homework, which resulted in me, the laziness to even write another blog entry. haha. well.. list of homeworks ar.. history SBQ essay ar.. three this week ok ???? madness la.. den lit also got essay and PC. pw got Eom draft two to do. den stil got econs essay, the one we did for group work. hmm.. wat else ? oh ya. im really saved by the fact that the discussion thread for GP isn't due on Fri. or we would have seven essays to do this week. enough to drown a dead person. haha. wat am i talking. nvm.. nonsense.
wAh.. this week, Sharon told me some stuffs. well... im shocked. seriously. well.. i shudn't dwell on it anymore. it doesn't even involve me. argh. forget it ! personal ok ??? haha..
oh ya.. got back maths test marks already.. sad ar sad.. haha.. nvm.. i blame myself. i din even study for it. i really did wanna study for it. but i swear. we din have the time. if not i would. i would force myself if i could to study for watever test there is, even if its just a common test we have every week. But we seriously din even have the time. time are used for homework already. and if the work load is not scarying u much, let me tel u the no. of hours we have to sleep only. if u wanna be a good student who does all his or her work, average number of hours u sleep per day would be 4hrs. i swear its true. my time to sleep had been delayed to the earliest, 1 plus and the latest, 3plus. save us !
nvm.. forget the sadness.. time for happy ones !!
ok.. after such a tedious week, i've finally manage to finish all the essays ! argh.. not to mention bout those practices like maths and lit pc la.. i'll not sleep if i've done all of them la. nvm.. the act of putting effort to do is already a good thing. Sharon, dun be demoralised by wat others say alright? doing those at ur own suitable pace is good enough. dun be affected by wat others have got to say k ? i'll be here to encourage u !! yay~ ur going to be done soon, seriously! c, u've already done ur Eom la.. and so many others haven done theirs ! so, have confidence in urself ! and when u finished all, u will be so proud of urself k ? but rmb. to take care of urself k ? dun overwork urself like wat u did on thurs night !
hmm.. another happy thing. well.. charlie, related to the rain. actually, i din know that u saw that blog entry. but i have to apologise too. that was a little mean. but it was written in anger and sadness at that time. im sorry if it sounded so harsh. but i was really upset. seriously. well.. after i saw ur msg, i did really think of those times that we talk together b4. u know. i do wanna let us forget bout all that had happened and pretend like nothing ever happen b4. but i cant forget it all like that. im really hurt. but i hope time will let my wounds heal and i'll be back to normal again. pls give me time alright ? im sorry.. but i do wanna return to the past when we were so close frens. i will still treasure u like i always do.
haha.. now, although i lost my sunshine, i've found a rainbow! haha. and im happy already.
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 2:57 PM
Friday, August 04, 2006
wat can i say ? after enjoying such a gd last week, tis week was like argh... mon and tues was fantastic, i guess.. filled with crap and nonsense.. hah.. but from wed onwards, everything was like shit.. so terribly disgusted and so damn affected..
wed.. well. start from the imptance of sch work. dumb pw. did my EoM and put in lots of effort, for goodness sake. its so damn shitty. pw is so crap la. i dunno wats going on. our project, stagnant. i dun wan to give up hope on it. but i guess im losing my faith. my grp. i dun wanna think. things have juz gone ugly and unbearable. i dun wanna take sides. juz trash it out and get over it. i dun wanna care anymore.
maths, i dun care a heck bout it. lost my hope in it anyway. perhaps i'll juz c how it goes. as for the teacher, i dun care. and when i say "I DUN CARE", i mean it. i dun give a damn bout wat u've gotta say. who cares if u say stuffs like i dun bother to do my work. im fine bout it anyway. u juz dun c wat im going thru. im not a maths expert. i try and try and try and i keep failing. u think i dun bother to put in efforts? i stare at my notes and wonder wat the hell is it about. I READ MY NOTES, for goodness sake. i try to understand those formulas and weird symbols and letters from that A maths textbook. did u c it ? NO! so, wat rights do u have in trying to accuse me? im sicked of all this shit. and i dun give a damn.
Frenz.. so contradicting. the rest is up to u to guess. im tired. and anyway, i promise to keep it to only our grp of frens. i juz hope for the day it turn for the better.
and guy.. my very best guy fren.. no longer is, i guess. im tired. so bloody tired. u made me lose hope in u. i've tried so hard to maintain that connection between us. i've tried. how bout u ? did u even try to contact me ? or did u try even harder to forget me and to push me aside? u like it, didn't u ? hah. u made me realise how naive i am. far more stupid that i can appear to be. i keep holding on. to that hope that i've stil got u by my side, always there for me. how dumb i am. damn it. i blame myself, yes, for trusting u. to tink that u are diff from the others. however, u proved me wrong. hah.. how similar u are compared to them. identical, i tink. u made me a substitute, din u? when u needed me, u seek for me. and now u dun need me, u can just push me away, isn't it ? fun huh. u enjoy doing so right ? i tel u, once and for all. i dun need u here. i dun. from now on, dont bother even searching for me. u've hurt me. and i promise. i'll build up this barrier against u. i'll nv allow u close to me anymore. im heartless, u may say. but who started this hurting business? i only do so to prevent my vulnerable self from getting hurt by u again. its painful and im sicked of it. i really dunno y i related u to the rain. its a wrong decision. for now whenever i look at the rain, i get reminded of how u hurt me. i dun wanna tink of it anymore. i remember. cher told me that this frenship could possibly b somehow one-sided. i laughed. laughed at myself. who was the one who was always nice to me? who was the one who consoled me when im sad? who was the one always there for me when i needed him? who was there to cheer me up whenever im down? who was the one who talk to me till 8am in the morning? who, i ask u who?? i tink i made that all up, isn't it ? its all a one-sided thing right ? i've imagined this all. i created everything, single-handedly from scratch. amazing. i've got such capability to imagine such a frendship! to tink the potential i have in me. to create everything u had done for me. everything. im so upset. i cant find that u that u once were. i really treasure u. but now, u treat me like shit, din u ? i tink i'll laugh at my stupidity. i'll laugh. hah. well, as from now on, i'll only treat u as an acquaintance. no further than that. i'll forgive u. and in that process, forgetting u is inevitable. i look forward to the day i wake up up one morning and ask myself.. "who's that guy who came to talk to me when i was in sec 3?" i tink i'll forget u, no, i WILL forget u. thats final. before i allow myself to get hurt again. i dun wanna be devastated by all the pain.
i wan to be happy. pls. i wan that happiness i long for. so much. i dun wanna be sad. i dun wanna get hurt anymore. i had enough of that. simply enough. anyone who can make me happy, pls come forth. i shall be so grateful for everything. i wan my sunshine. the only one who can brighten up my day. i'll b hoping for the day i meet someone who makes me happy, who takes me away, to somewhere where i feel so me. my goal is only to be happy.
http://herblacksmudgedfingers.imeem.com/playlist/R5k4tL-H/