2011.
what a challenging year.

A year in which i experienced
the loss of confidence,
the ingrained conception of my inability,
the comprehension of the selflessness of sacrifice,
the departure of the one i loved,
the ugliness of love,
the magnitude of self-centredness,
the consideration of letting go of my dreams,
the loss of meaning in life,
freedom but also,
the sense of worthlessness and helplessness that came along with it.

a brush of cold air.
freed from the barricades, which used to direct me.


free but lost.
and frightened.

so many directions, one after another, or all at the same time.

confusion.
and terrified.

struggled towards my dream
but tied down
by practicality,
reponsibility, parental pressure,
guilt
and conventional security.


it is with this new-found freedom
and much holding back
that i enter the new year.

with wings,
but a weight chained to my legs.


and anticipation
in my blood.