i learnt to be so strong when i realised how different i am from others. being different is what people have always craved to be. but i don't know if i want to be. i don't want to feel such a discrepancy between my world and the world. i've never felt such great discordance before. i keep trying to venture into the world, but i stumble and fall each time, only to return, frightened and so confused, seeking refuge in my world. and it dragged on. for months and then, a year. and i'm deflated. so i went out there and did what i had to do. feeling helpless and out of place, my thoughts screaming at me, "this is all wrong" the whole time. but i don't think my thoughts have a place on earth. i don't think i have a place on earth. my body does and all that comes with the fact of my existence. i just tune thoughts out. and be normal just like others. to live life.
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 3:13 AM
Friday, September 20, 2013
the boat capsized,
broke into pieces
that night.
one raft
not enough for two.
you tore the part of you i love,
flung it into the sea
with me.
and never looked back.
he died.
waves of anguish and agony
and i lost my soul.
then a light found me.
i don't hate you.
forgiveness lightens the burden.
but like war or natural disaster,
the people involved
look back at that
and they see this
cold grey space with black fragmented remains.
and before they know it,
they drown in melancholy.
you come
into my world
every time things have settled down,
stirring up that mass of black remains and melancholy.
when i see you,
i feel that
and i don't want to go there.
scattered petals of bloodroses ; 7:02 PM
Tuesday, September 03, 2013
that smile
tells the depth of love.
our secret.
then i
fell and broke.
and behind your expressionless facade,
i saw it in your eyes.
and
with me,
you gave
your line of light.
that
i know and trust.
and follow till the end of time.
http://herblacksmudgedfingers.imeem.com/playlist/R5k4tL-H/